A Song For My Mother
On a day like this, I need my mother more than I’d like to admit. I am an adult; a strong, mature, responsible grown up who has children of her own. I should be able to recognize that separation between parents and children is natural and perfectly normal part of life’s cycle.
Still, there is a lump in my throat and the pressure in my chest that only my mother could fully understand, and only she could offer me comfort I need right now.
Matthew is a wonderful, very stable husband who walks away looking forward into the future. I watch my son walk in a single file line with following his Kindergarten teacher, until I can’t see him any more. And even then, I can’t pull myself away. I immediately ask myself: have I spent enough time with him all these years, could I have done better?
I have a few amazing girlfriends who understand exactly what I am experiencing, but… I can’t really sit in any of their’s laps and cry my eyes out…
My sister is back in Los Angeles. And even if I was still there, close to her, I’d still probably want to play my part of being the “big sister” .
But if my Mama was here, we would cry together until we both felt just fine.
And it’s not just for selfish reasons I miss her. I watched her when she was visiting - so beautiful, strong, talented and disciplined. She worked very hard all of her life allowing us to sing and play all the time. She has a good job now, but because she wasn’t the part of the “system” during the communist years, and her honesty and integrity kept her out of all sorts of “deals”, she hasn’t been properly rewarded. She has many friends, but at the end of the day, she is all alone in the apartment where, once there was a family.
I know, people would say: “You were the one who left…” Children always leave. When we are young, we don’t think about the future, that some day, our parents, and we are going to be old…
I miss taking her out to lunch, and making a dinner for her, and going to the movies, and hiding together behind the school building to watch my boys at recess, being proud together of what she has taught me, what will be passed down generations to come.
So, I wrote a song. I’ve always been better at expressing how I feel through music. And this is the first song in Croatian that I feel confident enough to release - because I didn’t write it to be a hit song, or to satisfy critics. It’s simply a song for my Mother.
MOJOJ MAJCI
(To My Mother)*
Words and Music by Tajci. (English Translation)
I watched you as you were leaving, leaving once again / I heard your voice as you were saying: / the journey is long, you’ve got to be strong.
And we both know, that life is way too short / In a moment all will be gone
And every day you’re not around, is one more day gone by / All the years just stay behind
I watched you as you stood alone, / there was nothing that you feared /
and I thought if I had ever told you / how proud of you I’d been / And we both know…
And all I need / is for you to love me / In your arms like long ago I want to be /
because every day you’re not around, is one more day gone by / And all the years fall behind
I watched you as you smiled at me, your face looked young again
You are beautiful, in the picture frame / and I need you right here with me.
Copyright 2007 Tajko Music, BMI (Cameron Productions)
