I was really shocked by the published article, by the journalist Ivana Carevic in “Vecernji list”, and the copy of it in Vecernji list’s publication “24 sata”.  The article was very clearly written with the intention to devalue my work, distorting the image of my career and the real reasons that are a motivation for my music.

Request for denial was sent to the editor of Mr. Goran Ogurlic, but because of the timing the article was published, and no response has come from Mr. Ogurlic I am aware that the weekend provides a great ‘ground’ for spreading the article by the various web sites. For that reason I have decided to publicly respond immediately.

Article published in Vecernji List on May 11, by Ivana Carevic, was written based on information that she took from the site which she didn’t identify (KickStarter.com) although the precise amounts of money were quoted as well as the extracted statements from the site’s text.
Carevic contacted Mihovil Bek – Miha, my authorized representative for Croatia and the region. Miha and my personal assistant Maya both responded in a very short time with a message to Mr. Carevic that I would be very glad to answer her inquery.

Despite the agreement that she will wait for my answer, editors of Vecernji list, decided to publish the article that is full of distorted information.

Carevic cited her source of information as: “an online service to collect donations,” never identifying it. The web site from which she pulled the information is KickStarter.com – “a platform for funding creative projects.” “Time” magazine named KickStarter the “Best Web Site 2011” and the “Best Invention” in 2010. Creativity, originality and social value of the KickStarter.com has been recognized by “New York Times”, “BBC”, “NPR,” “CNN” and many others. Chicago’s Art Institute has two KickStarter funded projects on display as a part of their graphic design exhibition (Designing Obama, and Tick-Tock, LunaTick MultiTouch Wrist Kits)

KickStarter.com is a valuable example of how creative, inventive ideas and art don’t have to fold by lack of funding (by big corporations and sponsors). It provides support and a possibility for success to every person, regardless of socio-economic status. Check out KickStarter.com – I’m sure you will be inspired by the ideas and the concept that anything is possible.

Further, Carevic says: “Tajci fails to earn enough money to support herself with music,” which is incorrect. My husband Matthew and I are very proud of the fact that we have been able to support our family exclusively from my music. We are not megalomaniacs and neither one of us is driven by money or monetary success.
Carevic said that my husband, Matthew, “hoping to revive her career … activated the profile … asking fans to help her with the recording of the new album.” She also identifies the project by a wrong name: “Gift of Music” (while the KickStarter clearly shows the correct name of the project: “Christmas gift for Tajci “). This is the distortion that personally bothers me the most.

The KickStarter project, which Carevic and the editors of “Vecernji list” presented in such a distorted way, was a valuable, beautiful and creative Christmas gift from my husband who likes to give unusual gifts. You can view my own video message at KickStarter.com about this surprise gift that was waiting for me at home after I returned from Croatia, where I sang at a Christmas gala concert. My whole team was involved in this surprise – our graphic designer designed the beautiful logo “Christmas gift for Tajci”. Matthew had asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I told him honestly: just a lot of good music, love and health. For my first wish, Matthew invited my fans to join in.  In his message he said how I always give a lot of myself through my songs and how this is a beautiful gift from my fans who enjoy my music, that I would give right back to them in form of recorded songs.
Carevic had no intention of writing about the beautiful gift from my husband, my fans and friends, but instead she twisted the whole thing. She wrongly states that Matthew said: “due to high costs over the years Tajci failed to record all the songs she wanted and he hopes that her idea will finally come true.” Matthew mentioned the high costs involved with recording of an album, not the costs over the years. Everyone has living expenses, and each firm has their operating costs.  The truth is that I have many ideas, songs and albums that I would like to record while my voice is in a good shape.

The final statement of Ivana Carevic: “This financial boost by Tajci fans helped her to record songs that have been gathering dust in her drawers and which, she hopes, will give her back her status of a star, which she enjoyed in the early 90’s” confirms that the intention of this article was to distort the image about me as an artist, my music career and intentions of my entire team to produce the concert tour in Croatia as a beautiful musical experience for all those who hold my old music a dear memory.

I have never said that I hope to return to a star status.

My songs have not been ‘gathering dust in my drawers’ – they live in my concerts. I wish to record them and share them with my audiences both in the U.S. and in Croatia. This is  normal and honest wish motivated by many Facebook and email messages from my fans.

I never said that I do music for money. In each interview I sincerely expressed that the fame and money have never been my motivation. Fame and money were not enough to keep me from leaving my successful career in1992.  I left the fame and money because I wanted my life to be centered on other values, such as family, love, honesty, modesty, hard work, freedom of spirit and creativity. From that viewpoint, I have a very successful career and a beautiful, rich life.

Kickstarter is a wonderful gift that touched me deeply and inspired me to continue creating original music, and building a career based on quality, good content and dignity.

Tajci

May Tour – Twinsburgh, OH

Zaista me šokirala objava članka novinarke Ivane Carević u Večernjem listu, kao i to što se u ’24 sata’ objavio dodatno iskrivljen tekst iste novinarke, a sve s vrlo očitom namjerom da se obezvrijedi moj rad te iskrivi slika o mojoj karijeri i onome što me motivira u mojoj glazbi.

Upit za demanti poslan je glavnom uredniku gosp. Goranu Ogrliću, ali kako neradni dani vikenda predstavljaju izvrsno tlo za širenje ovog članka po raznim web portalima, odlučila sam odmah javno reagirati.

Ivana Carević je članak, objavljen u Večernjem listu 11. svibnja, napisala na osnovi informacija koje je preuzela s web stranice, a koju ni na jednom mjestu nije objavila (KickStarter.com) iako je citirala novčane iznose i izjave izvađene iz teksta na spomenutoj web stranici.

Carević je kontaktirala Mihovila Beka – Mihu, mog ovlaštenog zastupnika za Hrvatsku i regiju. Miha i moja osobna asistentica Maya su se javili u vrlo kratkom vremenu i prenijeli novinarki Carević moj odgovor da ću se vrlo rado odazvati njenom upitu. Usprkos dogovoru da će pričekati moj odgovor, uredništvo Večernjeg lista, odlučilo je objaviti članak koji je prepun iskrivljenih informacija.

Carević navodi da je njen izvor informacija ”jedan online servis za prikupljanje donacija”. Izvor informacija je KickStarter.com – “platforma za financiranje kreativnih projekata”. Časopis “Time” ga je 2011. proglasio web stranicom godine, a 2010. za najbolju invenciju godine. Kreativnost, originalnost i društvena vrijednost KickStarter portala su prepoznale velike medijske kuće: “New York Times”, “BBC”, “NPR”, “CNN”, i mnogi drugi. Muzej umjetnosti u Chicagu instalirao je, u sklopu izložbe grafičkog dizajna, nekoliko projekata koji su ostvareni putem KickStartera (‘Designing Obama’ i ‘Multi touch wrist kits’).

KickStarter.com je sam po sebi vrijedan primjer kako kreativnost, inventivne ideje i umjetnost nisu osuđeni na čekanje financiranja od strane korporacija i sponzora, te podržavaju otvorene mogućnosti uspjeha svakom čovjeku, bez obzira na društveno-ekonomski položaj. Provedite par minuta na KickStarter.com – sigurna sam da će svatko biti inspiriran idejama i porukom da je sve moguće.

Dalje, Carević navodi “Tajči ne uspijeva dovoljno zarađivati glazbom” što je netočno. Moj suprug Matthew i ja smo vrlo ponosni na život kojeg smo stvorili isključivo baveći se glazbom. Nismo megalomani i oboje se slažemo u istom – da živimo vođeni nama vrijednim kriterijima a ne novcem.

Carević piše kako je moj suprug Matthew: “u nadi da će joj oživjeti karijeru… aktivirao profil… tražeći od obožavatelja da joj pomognu u snimanju novog albuma” , te navodi ime profila “Dar glazbe” (točno ime je “Božićni dar za Tajči”). To je neistina koja me osobno najviše smeta.

Ovaj KickStarter projekt, kojeg su Carević i uredništvo Večernjeg lista tako ružno predstavili, je vrijedan, prelijep i kreativan božićni poklon mog supruga koji voli neobična darivanja.  Možete i sami vidjeti moju videoporuku na KickStarteru o poklonu koji me je čekao kao iznenađenje nakon što sam se vratila iz Hrvatske gdje sam pjevala na bjelovarskom Božićnom gala koncertu. Cijeli moj tim je bio uključen u iznenađenje – grafička dizajnerica osmislila je prekrasan logo “Božićni dar za Tajči”. Matthew me je jednom prilikom pitao što želim za Božić i ja sam mu iskreno odgovorila – samo puno dobre glazbe, ljubavi i zdravlja. Matthew je pozvao moje obožavatelje da se pridruže u moju prvu želju. Rekao je kako ja uvijek dajem puno sebe kroz pjesme koje ljudima nešto lijepo znače. Na ovaj način, oni koji vole moju glazbu, bili su pozvani da budu dio stvaranja novih darova.

Carević nije pisala o lijepoj namjeri moga supruga i poklonu mojih obožavatelja i prijatelja, nego je cijelu stvar iskrivila krivo navodeći “kako zbog velikih troškova tijekom godina Tajči nije uspjela snimiti sve pjesme koje je htjela te se nada kako će tu ideju napokon ostvariti.” Matthew spominje troškove snimanja albuma, a ne troškove tijekom godina. Svatko ima troškove života, a i svaka firma ima troškove poslovanja, a istina je da ja imam obilje ideja, pjesama, albuma koje bi željela snimiti za vrijeme svog života.

Završna izjava Ivane Carević: “Financijska injekcija obožavatelja pomogla je Tajči da snimi pjesme koje su skupljale prašinu u ladicama i za koje se nada da će joj vratiti zvjezdani status, u kojem je uživala početkom 90-ih.” potvrđuje namjeru ovog članka da iskrivi sliku o meni kao umjetnici, mojoj glazbenoj karijeri, te namjerama cijelog mog tima da ostvarimo turneju koncerata kao lijepi glazbeni doživljaj za sve one kojima moje stare pjesme znače nešto lijepo.

Nigdje nisam izjavila da se nadam vratiti zvjezdani status.

Moje pjesme ne ‘skupljaju prašinu u ladicama’, nego žive na mojim koncertima. Želja da ih snimim i podijelim s dragim ljudima i u SAD-u, a i u Hrvatskoj, je normalna, iskrena i vođena mnogobrojnim pozivima obožavatelja.

Nigdje i nikada nisam izjavila da mi je novac važan i da se bavim glazbom zbog novca. U svakom od intervjua iskreno izjavljujem da me slava i novac nikada nisu vodili. Da mi slava i novac nisu bili dovoljni kad sam napustila uspješnu karijeru 1992. Napustila sam slavu i novac zbog toga što sam željela da moj život bude usmjeren nekim drugim vrijednostima koje su meni važne, kao što su obitelj, ljubav, iskrenost, skromnost, marljiv rad, sloboda duha i kreativnosti. S tog pogleda, ostvarila sam vrlo uspješnu karijeru i prekrasan životni put.

KickStarter je divan poklon koji me je duboko dirnuo i inspirirao da i dalje stvaram autorsku glazbu, da gradim karijeru na kvaliteti, dobrom sadržaju i dostojanstvu.

Tajci Cameron

5.12.2012 – S koncertne turneje, trenutno u gradu Twinsburg, OH

It was early Wednesday morning. Around 4:30 am.  The kids, Denny and Matthew were fast asleep on the seats of our Sprinter.

Matthew drove most of the night and it was now my turn to take the wheel and get us closer to our home in Cincinnati.

Heading west on I-70, I had a perfect view of the moon and the few soft clouds that occasionally travelled across it’s perfectly full and incredibly bright face. The calmness and the beauty of the scene was so deeply moving and awe-inspiring, it was blowing me away. (This too was a gift of what we do – a chance to travel at night and witness such beauty)

I listened to music on my iPhone (mostly the songs I have been writing for my new CD project) and felt gratitude filling up my being to the point of ‘overflowing’ – spilling tears down my cheeks.

Here are some of the most recent reasons for my gratitude (and these are just ‘some’ reasons… there are so many)

Tajci, Denny and the Gilbert Sisters at St. Joseph the Worker in Orefield, PA

This tour Denny and I have collaborated with a few different musicians:

In Philly Area we had the Gilbert Sisters,
John Chaykin and Lisa from St. Bede’s Church and Efrain Arallano who flew from Los Angeles to do two special bi-lingual concerts!

Robert Partel and Tajci sing "Awesome God"

Every night, I ask someone from the audience to sing with me “Awesome God”.  What happens is just tremendously powerful!

iDoBelieve Crowd at St. Hugh's in Philly, PA

These are my ‘iDoBelieve’ friends at St. Hugh’s in Philly. It was our first bi-lingual “I Thirst” with Efrain Arallano.

They were such amazing hosts – very attentative, helpful and generous. At one point Blais asked me: “Mama, why are they all so nice and offering us so much? I thought the priest said they were poor…”

Tajci and Blais

I am happiest when my children and my husband Matthew travel with me.  Blais premiered a rocking version of “This Little Light of Mine” and got everyone on their feet clapping, singing and even dancing

This tour, our 11 year old friend Ashley also shared her extraordinary gift of piano playing We love you, Ashley!!!

Seing Mark without Sue was hard. But it was great to see him, his daughters Nikki and Krystal and Sue’s mom…

Thank you all for great first 11 concerts of our 2012 Lenten Tour!

Now off to sing some more!

Rano u srijedu u jutro, oko 4:30, sjela sam za volan naseg “Sprintera” u kojem su mirno spavali moj suprug Matthew, moji sinovi i moj glazbeni suradnik i muzicar Denny.

Matthew je vozio veci dio puta, i sad je bio moj red da preuzmem voznju do Cincinnatija iz kojeg cemo nastaviti turneju.

Cesta je bila mirna, noc punog mjeseca, nebo s par laganih oblaka koji su se sasvim mirno i polako, kao delikatne niti paucine nazirali u noci. Ta slika i taj mir su me se toliko dojmili da sam postala svjesna kako su i ta nasa nocna putovanja, makar naporna, zapravo vrijedan poklon jednog bogatog i dubokog iskustva… (jer kad bi se ja inace probudila u pola noci i vozila po nekim velikim, dalekim cestama samo da dozivim mjesecinu i nebo u zoru)

Slusala sam glazbu na svom iPhone-u (pjesme koje sam snimala u Zagrebu s Branimirom) i osjecala duboku zahvalnost za sve male stvari kojim mi je ispunjen zivot…

Evo samo nekoliko detalja zbog kojih sam presretna:

Ovu turneju smo odlucili ‘odraditi’ s nekoliko razlicitih gosci: na nekim koncertima su nam se pridruzile sestre Gilbert, na nekim John i Lisa, a izuzetan mladi kompozitor duhovne glazbe na spanjolskom, Efrain Arallano je doletio iz Los Angelesa, da nam se pridruzi na dvojezicnim koncertima u Philladelphiji.

Svake veceri pozovem nekoga iz publike da samnom pjeva. Svaki put je prekrasno i neocekivano!

Na koncertu u crkvi St. Hugh-a, koja je se nalazi u jako siromasnoj cetvrti Philladelphije, bilo je toliko volontera koji su nam stalno nudili pomoc, hranu, pice… Blais je u jednom trenutku pitao: “Mama, zasto su ovdje svi tako dobri i svi bi nam nesto dali? Pa svecenik je rekao da su jako siromasni… ” Objasnila sam mu da su oni koji nemaju puno, uvijek spremni dati sve od sebe…

Najsretnija sam kad su moji klinci i moj suprug Matthew samnom na turneji… Blais je premijerno otpjevao jednu gospel pjesmu “This Little Light of Mine”. Svi su se digli na noge, pljeskali, pjevali, pa cak i plesali!

Bilo je tesko vidjeti Marka bez moje drage Sue. Ali susret s njim, s kcerkama Nikki i Krystal i s mamom od Sue je bio emotivan i ispunjen uspomenama na moju dragu, uvijek nasmijanu prijateljicu…

Hvala svima koji su posjetili moje koncerte – narocito mojim ‘starim’ fanovima, iseljenicima iz Hrvatske

A sad, dalje!

Blue Mountain u drzavi Pennsylvania

Vozili smo po sirokom i polupraznom autoputu u drzavi Pennsylvania: sunce je dodirivalo vrhove Blue Mountain lanca, klinci su bili zadovoljni i mirni, svaki u jednom redu sjedala u nasem komfortnom kombiju, a moj suprug kraj mene. Pred nama su bila tri tjedna prekrasnih koncerata i divne glazbe. Osjecala sam duboku radost i zahvalnost.

Veselila sam se susretu s prijateljima iz ovog kraja, medu ostalima mojoj dragoj Sue i njenom suprugu Marku.

Sue i ja smo izmjenjivale SMS poruke svakih par tjedana: par rjeci ohrabrenja, izgovorena molitva, srce ili smajlic… tek toliko da joj dam do znanja da mislim na nju. Njena snaga, i osmijeh koji nije silazio s njenog lica ni kad su je fizicka bol i okrutna bolest potpuno preuzeli bili su mi inspiracija. Sue je zivjela u ‘sadasnjem trenutku’ – uvijek tretirajuci svaki moment kao delikatne niti koje tkaju zivot. I ona i njen suprug Mark (koji ju je neizmjerno i zaljubljeno volio), uvijek su nesebicno pomagali drugima, davajuci od sve od sebe.

Visiting Sue at St. Mary's on Nov 26, 201

Stigla sam ju vidjeti prije nego sto je otisla… Svi smo molili i vjerovali u Bozju milost da ozdravi Sue… Na zalost, njeno ozdravljenje nije bilo fizicko, ali svi koji su dozivjeli njenu vjeru, nadu, svijetlost bez sumnje ce reci da se dogodilo. Ja sam osobno osjetila iscjeljenje… Uz njenu vjeru i snagu, strah i neizvjesnost su nestajali ko oblaci na vrucem nebu.

Bilo mi je zao da nisam stigla snimiti pjesmu koju sam napisala za Sue… no znam da gledati unatrag i stalno zaliti za onim sto nismo uspijeli ostvariti, nema smisla. Forsirati nesto sto ne mozemo kontrolirati isto nema smisla. Znati i vjerovati da sve ima svoj ‘pravi’ trenutak, velika je mudrost. Prepustiti se “Bozjoj volji” o kojoj neki govore i u koju puno ljudi vjeruje – pustiti brigu o buducnosti i zalosti o proslosti.

Pustila sam da se trenutak kad cu snimiti njenu pjesmu jednostavno dogodi.

A trenutak je dosao lijepo umotan ispod okicenog bora kao najljepsi Bozicni poklon.

Nakon blagdana, primila sam se posla i snimila dvije pjesme: “Till We Meet Again” (moja verzija je posvecena jednoj lijepoj ljubavi – ispricana u video-montazi) i pjesmu za Sue: “Lay Your Hands”.

Mislila sam bilo bi jednostavno, iskreno i logicno sloziti mali montage-video pun slika iz zivota moje drage prijateljice, ali kao i njeno ozdravljenje, ova pjesma nije samo za nju, nego za sve koji imaju zelju prepustiti se ‘sadasnjem’ trenutku, zaboraviti tuge iz proslosti i pustiti brige o buducnosti. (“Kruh nas svagdanji daj nam danas”)

It was the day after Thanksgiving. We were driving eastbound on PA turnpike: the sun was setting in the cloudless sky, the road clear, the kids happy in the back and my husband next to me. Another month of beautiful music was ahead of us.  I was happy and grateful.

I was looking forward to see our friends in Pennsylvania: Sally and Ellen; Melanie, Alex and Daniel Fedoryka; David, Karen and Ashley; Zoltan, Tim and Alex; Mark and Sue.

I kept in touch with them. I texted Sue every few weeks. A quick prayer, a virtual hug, smilie face, <3, anything, just to let her know she was always on my mind and in my heart. Ever since I met her during Advent Tour a few years ago, she had been a source of inspiration to me. I drew strength from her faith and her ability to live in the present so joyfully, celebrating life, family and love. Even the pain from her frightening illness (pancreatic cancer) didn’t take away the hope and the smile from her face. Every time I saw her at a concert, she was filled with hope and life. Sue and Mark worked relentlessly and passionately on getting people to attend our concerts even when they had so much on their plate… I was humbled, honored, deeply grateful and inspired to give more.

Visiting Sue at St. Mary's on Nov 26, 2011

I saw Sue just days before she passed on… I held her hand, kissed her cheek, I sang her a song, and soaked up the precious moments of her beautiful smile. The healing she received wasn’t, unfortunately physical (despite all of us who believed that miracles still happen) – but it was palpable… Sue’s healing spread to all of us who experienced her light, her hope, her faith. For me personally, I felt being healed of fear. By being in my life, Sue was like a constant reminder of the importance of focusing on the Present – as in the ‘present moment’ – the most precious present we got -  and enough of a reason for a big smile and a grateful heart.

Learning to let go of the past regrets, ‘should-haves’ and ‘wish-I-did’s’ I prayed for the ‘now’ moment in which I would gift Sue’s song to her, her family, friends and those who will randomly accept it.

It wasn’t a surprise when it came as a ‘present’. A Christmas present. Properly wrapped and laid under the tree, and at the same time untouchable and invisible.  My husband Matthew organized a KickStarter project and invited our friends and fans to gift more music.

When kids went back to school after their Christmas break, I got to work and produced two songs, two gifts:  “Till We Meet Again” (my recording of it was inspired by a beautiful love story featured in the video) and “Lay Your Hands”.

Here is the quick video with the story behind the song “Lay Your Hands”. I wanted to make the entire video a collage of thoughts and photos of Sue, her beautiful smile and her family but decided to just like Sue’s healing, send it out into the world and letting it gift and touch as lead by God’s grace – one heart, one moment at the time.

DVA kontinenta, DVIJE karijere, JEDNA osoba s JEDNIM zivotom

Bio je jedan od onih maglovitih zagrebackih dana. Tata me je vozio do grada. Sutke sam sjedila na suvozackom mjestu i promatrala ljude u zimskim kaputima. Bilo mi je tesko. Moja odluka da odem na skolovanje u Ameriku nije bas odusevila ekipu. Brinula sam se da li radim veliku pogresku, da li cu ikad ponovo imati priliku pjevati, suradivati s izvrsnim muzicarima, raditi turneje i koncerte.

Teski uzdisaj kojeg nisam uspijela sakriti, iznenadio je mog tatu koji je odgovorio:

“Glupost. Niko i nista ti ne moze zabraniti da pjevas. Ako stvarno hoces pjevati, naci ces nacina. Uvijek ce biti i svadba i krstitki – ako ti je glazba vazna a ne karijera”. Polako je zaustavio auto, iz kojeg sam ja sutke izasla.

Bilo mi je skroz jasno o cemu je tata govorio. Zbog mojeg statusa ‘zvijezde’ vise nismo imali prilike pjevati zajedno. Nisam vise mogla doci na njegove gaze i spontano pjevati “Konobu” ili “Suzu”. Cak sam i cula kritike da se imidz mog tate koji je bio ‘gazer’ nije bas uklapao u imidz ‘projekta Tajci.’  Nitko nije imao pojma koliko mi je zbog toga bilo tesko.  Umjesto kreativne slobode, uspjesna karijera sputavala me je da budem svoja. Umjesto sigurnosti u ono sto radim i tko jesam, osjecala sam nelagodu i strah da ne pokvarim ono sto sam ‘trebala biti’.  Tatine rjeci su potvrdile da sam donijela pravu odluku, jer bez svog ‘ja’ pocela sam se gubiti.

Samo nekoliko tjedana kasnije, 5. sijecnja, sjedila sam u ‘koznoj fotelji na aerodromu u Zurichu” i cekala let za New York. Napisala sam u svoj dnevnik: “Ne placem, nisam tuzna i ne bojim se.”

Na audiciji za Dramsku i Glazbenu Akademiju u New Yorku, nisam imala ni zrno treme. Drzale su me tatine rjeci: rezultat audicije nece i ne moze definirati (ili umanjiti) moju ljubav prema glazbi. Naci cu ja nacina da pjevam.

Vec na prvom semestru (studentima je bilo zabranjeno da se profesionalno bave glazbom i glumom prva tri semestra), zaposlila sam se na kaputima u jednom restoranu pokraj Lincoln Centra u kojem je svake veceri svirao jazz trio. U razgovoru s muzicarima, spomenula bi kako bas ‘slucajno’ imam sa sobom svoje note, pa ‘ako su za, mogla bi nesto s njima otpjevati.’  Nije dugo trebalo da su gosti poceli dolaziti slusati zanimljivu ‘coat check girl’ s izrazenim akcentom kako pjeva Jazz standarde.

Backstage at the Big Band Show in LA, 1997

Kad nisam prosla na audicijama za mjuzikle, producirala bi sama neki event, predstavu ili koncert. Nista me nije sprijecilo da i dalje pjevam. Istina je da je bilo tesko vracati se s neuspjesne audicije; ili gubiti suradnje s pojedinim producentima i muzicarima jer su bili izvan mojih budgeta; ili odbijati poslove koji su dobro bili placeni, ali za koje sam znala da jednostavno nisu za mene.

Kad bi dosla doma u Hrvatsku, obavezno bi pjevala s tatom na nekoj od njegovih gaza, ali cisto anonimno, da slucajno ne bi podigla prasinu. Moja karijera je bila proslost, i tako mi je pasalo. Bojala sam se dirati u onu Tajci koja je svima ostala u dubokoj uspomeni. (Na trenutke sam se bila osjecala ko Simba iz “Kralja lavova” pjevajuci svoju Hakuna Matata pjesmu i skrivajuci se iza mog novog indetiteta.)

Ali u Americi sam bila slobodna da istrazujem, ucim, otkrivam, spoznajem zivot i samu sebe u uspjesima i u padovima. Bez opterecenja od medija, kriticara, top-lista, vanjskog imidza, menadera i publike, mogla sam pjevati gdje sam htjela i sto sam htjela, pronaci mjesto na kojemu se najvise osjecam ‘svoja’. Uspjela sam pokriti osnovne zivotne troskove s glazbom ali kao umjetnici, najveca ‘placa’ mi je bila cuti djecu koja pjevaju pjesmu koju sam im ja napisala kad su im skoro zatvorili skolu. Ili kad sam cula koliko je pjesma za Sue, prijateljicu koja je bolovala od teskog raka, pomogla da bol bude manja. Najvise od svega mi je znacila spoznaja da je kroz moju glazbu netko osjetio novu nadu, mir duse i ispunjenje Bozanskom ljubavlju.

Cinilo mi se da cu zauvijek ostati izmedu dva indetiteta: Tajci u narancastoj haljinici s velikim osmijehom na licu, i Tajci u dugom srebrnom plastu cija pjesma otvara i najtvrde srce. Cinilo mi se nemoguce spojiti te dvije slike u jednu.

Kad je moj otac otisao, pocela sam shvacati da sam ja sama sebe ogranicila dopustajuci da moju stvarnost definiraju vanjski imidz, ili necija tuda percepcija mene. Sto ce mi lijepa uspomena, ako me bas ona sprijecava da u potpunosti zivim ovaj cas? Sto znaci status ‘nekadasnje zvijezde’ ili ‘ikone’ ako zbog njega ne mogu isto tako iskreno pjevati u Hrvatskoj ko sto pjevam u daljini.

Crashing a Wedding in Zagorje, Summer 2011

Prosle godine, uoci dvadesete godisnjice odlaska od doma, organizirala sam si par posjeta Zagrebu na kojima sam: 1.) pjevala Tajci hitove u karaoke baru; 2.) upala mladenkama na vjencanja i pjevala ‘Hajde da ludujemo” – svaka mi je kroz suze i uzbudenje priznala da sam joj bila najdraza pjevacica dok je imala cetri ili pet godina; 3.) organizirala spontani nastup s malim bendom u lokalnom kaficu na Peljescu; i 4.) sudjelovala na Gala koncertu u Bjelovaru – prvom medijski popracenom nastupu nakon svih ovih godina. U svakom od tih trenutaka beskrajno sam uzivala i osjecala se iskrenom i sretnom. Svaki put, bilo je onih koji su totalno bili zbunjeni i pitali me da li sam ja zaista ona ‘prava’ Tajci, ali i onih koji su me srdacno izgrlili i sa sjajem u ocima potvrdili da je biti iskren, autentican i ne bojati se pokazati pravu ‘sebe’ jedino sto ima pravu vrijednost.

I najavila sam turneju, koncerte koje cu bez straha organizirati. I imala sam priliku snimiti “Dvije zvjezdice” s vrhunskim producentima Chrisom Gerom i Bryanom Lenoxom (Yamaha Entertainment), sto je samo potvrdilo rjeci mog tate da ako mi je glazba vazna, nitko i nista nece sprijeciti moju pjesmu (pa cak ni pojedinacne prepreke i necije postavljene rampe).

Ono sto najbolje potvrduje rjeci mog tate su preko 875 koncerata koje je moj dragi suprug Matthew organizirao u Americi bez sponzora, promotera, izdavacke kuce, i bez visokih honorara.

Priznajem da je put do spoznaje da imam samo JEDNU sebe s JEDNIM zivotom koji se proteze na DVA kontinenta i kroz DVIJE karijere, bio dug… mozda predug. Ali bas ta spoznaja mi je trebala da budem ‘svoja’ i pjevam bez straha, ogranicenja ili vanjskih definicija.

TWO Continents, TWO Careers, ONE Me on My ONE Life’s Journey

It was one of those foggy Zagreb days in early winter and my Dad was driving me to a meeting. I was quiet and worried. I had already announced to my producer, my manager and the entire “Tajci” team that I was leaving Croatia.  It didn’t go well. I was afraid that, as the result of my decision, I would never be allowed to sing in my homeland.

The heaviness in my heart was seeping into the air when my Dad finally broke the silence.

“It’s nonsense. No one can take the music from you. No one has the power to stop you from singing. If that’s what you really want to do, you will always find a way,” he said. He slowed the car down and parked. I got out without responding.

My status as a superstar had already taken away “our” songs – I wasn’t able to join my Dad’s band at his gigs to sing with him as I had done for years. I felt the sting of irony my fame had brought to me: instead of freedom, resources and abundance of creativity, I seemed to had only gained limitations, isolation and fear.  My Dad’s words were the confirmation I needed in order to follow through with my plan and leave.

A few weeks after that drive, on January 5^th I was sitting at the airport in Zurich waiting for my flight to New York City and feeling a bit confused by the absence of fear.

On January 12^th, I sang through my audition at the American Musical and Dramatic Academy confident that I had nothing to loose – the music would be there even if I wouldn’t be admitted.

At my first New York job as a coat check girl at an upscale restaurant next to the Lincoln Center I kept my jazz charts in the wardrobe hidden behind the coats.  I waited for opportunity to approach the trio and let them know that I was a singer and that I ‘happened’ to have my charts with me. They let me sit in and soon I became the restaurant’s best kept secret.

Backstage at the Big Band Show in LA, 1997

I produced plays and musicals when I didn’t get the parts I auditioned for. Nothing could stop me from singing. Yes, there were times when I wanted the jobs I auditioned for and didn’t get, producers that were way out of my budgets, and those I turned down because I didn’t like their motivations.

When I visited Croatia, I sang with my Dad but kept a low-profile, trying to stay away from the media. I had walked away from my status as a superstar and had no intention of going back to claim it. At times I felt like Simba singing my Hakuna Matata song – hiding behind my “new identity.”

In the USA, I was able to wander free, to grow and learn, to succeed and fail without the pressure of critics’ reviews. There was no competition to win, charts to climb, market to please. I was making a living with my music, and as an artist I found the deepest reward in a chance to write a song of hope for a school in danger of being closed down; in writing one for my friend who believed in healing till the last moment of her life; and in knowing that my music helped many to experience Hope, Peace and Love, perhaps even make a step closer to God.

It seemed to me that I would forever stay the girl who had two identities: the Croatian one in the orange dress and a big smile on her face and the one in the long silver coat who can move a human heart to tears.  The two would never cross paths again.

When my Dad passed away, I became aware of how silly I had been to have allowed all these labels to define me.  For many years I was content to let my status of a ‘pop icon’ rest in peace in order not to disturb the memory.  But what good is a memory if it prevents us from living in the present? What good is status if it prevents me from singing in Croatia and be the same artist, unafraid, authentic and honest as I am in America?

Crashing a Wedding in Zagorje, Summer 2011

So, last year, in honor of my twenty-years of journeying I set out across the Ocean and 1.) sang my own songs in a Kareoke bar in Zagreb; 2.) crashed a few weddings and sang for the brides (who all gushed I was their favorite singer in the whole world when they were 4 years old!); 3.) threw an impromptu performance with a band in a tiny bar on the Croatian coast; and 4.) sang at the Christmas Gala Concert in Croatia – the first major performance since I left. Each time, I was sincerely and thoroughly happy. Each time, the crowd was as confused as they were entertained. Each time there were screams and tears of those who claimed I had made their dreams come true (and it didn’t take a million dollars.)

I also got to work with Bryan Lenox and Chris Gero of Yamaha Entertainment Group who produced one of my favorite hits “Dvije zvijezdice” (a song that was once almost taken away from me), which only assured me that everything is possible (even with a few roadblocks on the way.)

“No one can take the music from you. No one has the power to stop you from singing. If that’s what you really want to do, you will always find a way,”

Still, the best confirmation of my Dad’s words are 875+ amazing concerts my husband Matthew had produced in the past 12 years, without a backer, music label, a corporate sponsor, or a steep performing fee; and the most recent, and most unusual Christmas gift he had for me – a KickStart project initiated with an invitation: “If Tajci has gifted you with her music, would you like to ‘gift’ her with music”. I have already received over 120% of the ‘wished’ goal – of the funds available to me to record whichever songs I choose to record – freely, authentically, without fear and just because they might reach someone out there and provide a bit of Hope, Peace and Love.

It took me a long time to finally have confidence that ONE me and my ONE life’s journey is enough to bring the TWO careers on TWO continents together without labels, limitations or fear.

Oduvijek mi je “Tiha noć” bila najljepša božićna pjesma. Mirna, jednostavna, skromna, a opet ispunjena snagom Svjetla koje onemogućuje mrak.

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Nana (mama mog tate), koja je godinama živjela s nama, znala bi potiho, sebi u bradu, pjevati Tihu noć na Badnjak, dok bi u kuhinji spremala orehnjaču.

K’o mala, prebirala bih po klaviru melodiju kad bi svi već otišli spavati. Tiho, tiho da nikom’ ne smetam. Tiho, baš kao i sama pjesma.

Jedne godine smo nekako završili na polnoćki u Stenjevcu s rođacima s mamine strane (koji su bili aktivni vjernici i uvijek su išli na misu). Bila je gužva. Teta Verica je pjevala u zboru pa smo se s njom stisnuli na kor crkve. U jednom trenutku svi su počeli pjevati Tihu noć u spontanim, ali prekrasnim dionicama. I mama, i tata su se priključili… I ja sam željela pjevati, ali nisam znala riječi. Tata je pjevao svojim baritonskim glasom neki kontrapunkt koji nikad prije nisam čula. Bilo je čarobno… Vrh nosa mu se bio zarumenio (što ga je odavalo da pokušava suspregnuti suze od prevelikih emocija). Taj trenutak neću nikada zaboraviti…

Godinama već pjevam Tihu noć (zapravo, “Silent night”) oko koje se i bazira moja Bozićna priča… Prije par godina, odlučila sam pozvati publiku da pjeva sa mnom. Koncert za koncertom, na kraju priče, podignem ruku i čujem glasove kako se jedan po jedan uključuju u spontani zbor… Pjevamo zajedno. Neki brišu suze, a neki ih skrivaju. Neki pjevaju glasno, neki sasvim tiho… Uvijek, ali uvijek, moje srce drhti od radosti i Bozje ljubavi kojom smo povezani kroz pjesmu.

A onda, pjevam zadnju strofu na hrvatskom… I glasovi u publici zamru… I moj glas odjekuje sam… Tišina između stihova je teška. Ispunjena uspomenama, daljinom, a opet osviještena dubokom zahvalnošću za trenutak kojeg živimo i radošću koju ta zahvalnost u sebi nosi.

Zamišljam trenutak u kojem će stotinu glasova (ili barem tri-četiri) pjevati sa mnom Tihu noć. U spontanim al’ prekrasnim dionicama…

Tu na snimci je moj glas… Nadam se da će mu se pridružiti još poneki J