A Letter to All Who Loved My Husband…

 

My husband Matthew Shane Cameron was a kind of guy who “left easy” – without burdening those he was leaving with too much attachment. But even though you might think he had moved on, he never forgot the people whom he met. He had an amazing ability to remember people’s names and details from their lives.

At his final farewell, many of his old college friends showed up. They travelled hundreds of miles to say their goodbyes. He was known to them as ‘Tumbleweed” – and most knew him for his adventurous and always-on-the-go nature. He too loved his college circle of friends. He often spoke about so many of them – to me, to our kids and to the strangers we met around the country as we toured for 15 years.

But as I spoke to them at the funeral, I realized that they might not know the Matthew I knew. He was always interested in other people, and he spoke about himself very little.

I wondered how many of all those people who loved him really knew what he was doing out there – how amazing he was at producing tours after tours, managing many people and different personalities, building a venture that not only supported his family and a crew of musicians, but changed lives of thousands and thousands of people.

Apart from being a great producer, Matthew supported and encouraged me to write, to create, to sing, and to be courageous. (He’s done that for many people whom he worked with – from Christopher to our musicians, to his Stormlight Pictures partners Logen and Corey)

His diagnosis put him center stage. No one else became more important or needing support than him. He had to, maybe for the first time in his life, put himself first – focus on his healing, ways to stay strong, ways to deal with pain, ways to love himself and accept God’s love for him.

His close friends, college buddies and hundreds of strangers who poured out their love when he first got diagnosed – helped him with that. And my sons and I are eternally grateful for that.

In the end, Matthew, whose life’s joy was to serve others, who was the happiest when he could DO something for people and God (produce films, concerts, build houses, throw parties, lead trips, never miss Mass, pray Rosary, etc…) – knew so well that simply BEING Matthew Shane Cameron was enough to be loved.

And that’s the part he got to share with people – and he was so grateful to hear feedback from those who were moved by his transparency, his openness, his brokenness and his strength – founded in that Love.

Every time someone wrote to him how something he said inspired them to dig deeper, love more, be true to themselves, be free, he was truly happy…

That was the ‘why’ behind his work of helping people figure out their own ‘why’s’ – because it’s who we are (souls loved and created to love) that is important – and then from that place, we can do all things…

 

 

9 thoughts on “A Letter to All Who Loved My Husband…

  1. Sorry for your loss Tajci. I’ll continue to send prayers for you.
    Even though I don’t know you personally I include all of you in my heart and in my friend’s list. I watch your DVD EVERY CHANCE i HAVE. I love your music. I’m sure living without your husband will be something different, but your children, family, and friends like me that does not know you in person but love you and your work will help you in your new journey.
    GOD BLESS ALWAYS,

    Nilza

  2. Dear Tajci,
    I’m so sorry for your loss. Though I never knew him I can see his influence on you and in you and your work. I pray that he will be in everlasting joy in heaven and that you will have the strength to carry on with all that you do. You were truly one in the sacrament of marriage and he will always be a part of everything you are. You are always in my prayers.
    Dan

  3. Tatiana, I am so sorry for your loss. My husband Paul (who passed in May of this year) and I came to many of your concerts in the Cincinnati area. We wanted to get good seats and would come early and talked to Matthew at many of those concerts as well. He was such a great guy and a good man. I know you will miss him so much and my heart and prayers goes out to you and your boys. In His Love, Debi Meyer

  4. Dear Tajci,

    I am watching your DVD “I Thirst” on Christmas Day. I still remember about five years ago that I was up early (I always wake up early and I enjoy the alone time before my wife and two children wake up) and by “chance” saw this same concert on television, which is all the more an incredibly interesting coincidence because I rarely ever watch television. I was immediately impacted. I thought, “Who is this wonderful, beautiful woman who is so spiritual and classy?” And then the concert just became even more incredible as your sister joined in to sing along and play the flute joined by a cellist. The entire concert brought me to tears often. Full disclosure here, I am a spiritual philosopher and not Catholic, but I would temper this by saying that my beliefs are much in alignment with Christianity (moral behavior) and I admire so much Jesus Christ, the Apostle Paul, and how the early Christian church won people over by their love–especially for the poor and the suffering. And to this day it is mostly the Christian church that helps others with charity. Now, returning to the impact of your concert, I wrote a complimentary comment and was shocked to receive an email in return from Matthew! I just revied it. Here it is:

    Thank you James,

    I’ll pass on your kind and warm words to Tajci (my wife and partner).  I did want to tell you that your assessment from the show you caught on TV is dead on right.  She is a remarkable woman with tremendous life experience which she uses to inspire and engage others to believe.

    She is remarkable 🙂

    God bless and keep you and yours,

    Matthew Cameron

    Sent: Tue 5/14/2013 12:57 PM

    From there we corresponded quite a bit, speaking of our wives and children, of God, spirituality, our travels (I have travelled quite a bit and enjoy culture and languages–and mentioned that I enjoyed your Spanish as I speak Spanish and lived two years in Costa Rica). Matthew then mentioned that you had purchased him a trip to Costa Rica and that is was a comical blessing.

    Thanks for the kind letter.  I actually was “gifted” with a trip to Costa Rica.  It was funny – my wife gave to me her ideal vacation “alone in a warm humid climate close to a beach”!!

    I love beached but alone and I don’t get along that well 🙂   I LOVE people and activity.  So I invited my cousin Michael to join me on a week trip to Costa Rica.  All was well… I went through security and was waiting on the other side… and waiting … and waiting…

    About 45 minutes later I went outside (because I couldn’t go back in through the secure area) and reentered the airport.  I waited in line for ticketing and asked the airline lady if she could help me figure out what happened to Michael.

    She did.  She got him on the phone at the gate!  His passport was somewhat (really minor) delaminated in the corner.  They put him on the first plane out of the country!!

    And so… I spend a week in the lovely country, on the beaches, wandering around – alone 🙂

    Thank you again and looking forward to your thoughts,
    Matthew Cameron

    Matthew and I talked about a unifying idea in my area to have a concert with Christian and Catholics and even those who do not profess a Christian belief as I told him that those who were not believers would benefit from Tajci’s message. I tried to get a few churches to host such a concert but had to finally give up and tell Matthew that the leaders were closed to the idea. This saddened me.

    Now, it is Christmas day, and I tradionally get out all of our Christmas dvds. My oldest daughter, who will be 18, and autistic, will be leaving us soon to attend a special college for high functioning autistic students. My son is still young–only 10. My wife and I know that this Christmas will be special and a little sad as Rachel will be leaving us soon (not forever but we will only see her during Christmas and summer from what I understand). I got out the dvd I thirst and as always, when hearing the beautiful, anointed music, I marvel at how beautiful your voice is, your sister’s voice, and how classy and beautiful and humble you women are. I admire and deeply respect this spiritual authenticity. And then I decide to look at your website and see how you all are doing. I think that I will write Matthew and see how he is doing as it has been a few years since we have written. And then to my absolute shock and horror, I see that he has been battling cancer and has passed away. I have no words. I began to cry. I have never met either one of you in person. But spiritually I have been touched by you both. I am so saddened by your loss: a truly wonderful and beautiful man. When we were writing I told him it was too bad I did not know him when he went to Costa Rica because I would have picked him up at the airport and enjoyed showing him around.

    Life often does not make sense to me. It is too often mysterious it its joys and heartbreaks. All I can say is that I am happy that two beautiful and special people found each other in this vast world and have had three sons together. That in itself is incredibly miraculous.

    My deepest regards and appreciation for you both as people and for the profoundly enriching ministry and music that you both have produced and will continue to do so,

    James

    1. Thank you James for your comment and your stories that connect you and me to Matthew… It’s so good to know you recognized the spirituality in my music which is not bound by the walls of a church, and which doesn’t exclude or leave anyone out. Only when we love all and everyone in God’s creation can we truly experience the connectedness and oneness – and then even death becomes merely a transformation. All the best to you!

      Tajci
      PS if you sign up for my mailing list you will receive an email each Saturday morning – with music and inspiration 🙂

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