Farewell…

People came from near and far. College friends, touring friends, fans, kids’ teachers, their school band members and theatre buddies, old girlfriends, coaches, bosses, partners. There were Catholic nuns, 12 priests and Christian ministers. There were believers and non believers and musicians and artists, healers and drinking buddies. There were neighbors… There was family. Brothers and sisters and parents and sons and cousins and uncles and aunts and even distant cousins who had never met each other before. There were people from Croatia and Bosnia and Ghana and Kenya and South Korea and Canada and Mexico… all together – Humans of Earth.

They all came because they loved Matthew and were so loved by him.

And I️ could see Matthew smiling… as we cried, sighed, consoled each other, and danced, raised our glasses and gave thanks for the great human of the Earth that he was.

Now everyone has gone back to their homes. The house is quiet.

And there are already a hundred moments in which I️ miss him… in which I️ know not to get stuck in grief but go on breath by breath, one step at a time, wrapped in love and armed with gratitude.


I had arranged for a small bunch of white roses, white daisies and English ivy to be placed on the top of the casket – the same flowers we had on our wedding day.  I sang “Love Lives On” for him at the Funeral Mass… And because I knew that he prefers a loud, fun and upbeat songs, I also sang “Alleluia”… It was only because I knew his spirit was right there with me that I was able to sing…

4 thoughts on “Farewell…

  1. Tatiana,
    I am unsure if you have been receiving my comments these past two weeks. You are an inspiration and proof that all things can be accomplished with The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

  2. Although our hearts break when a loved one goes home to our creator, the joy scripture tells us will be experienced in eternity with our maker helps us continue the race till we too go home. Someday we will be reunited with family, friends, & more importantly God our Father, Jesus His son, & His Spirit of love. I will pray for your heart to be consoled by His promises.

  3. Dear Tajci,
    Together you and Matthew witnessed others grieve but now that enormous emptiness sweeps in over you and your boys. You are already ahead of it when you can express not getting stuck in grief. Thank God!
    Now in your motherly hope wanting to avoid getting stuck, be sure to recognize how it is able to help you heal. Such a delicate balance.

    We cried when your notice arrived . Your loving words and Matthew’s smile brought me back to VanNeys, CA riding with both of you and simply enjoying ourselves. You always bring joy with you.
    I am pleased to have known Matthew and you. I am honored to know Dante, Evan and Blaise too. May God give you His peace and comfort as you need them. Love always,

  4. Dear Tatiana, I’m so sorry for your loss. You have been in my life for over 15 years. It started when I was laid up with a bad back that eventually needed surgery. Not being able to sleep I turned on PBS and there you were singing with your sister. Then a few years later I saw you were coming to LaSalette in Attleboro. I couldn’t believe it. That is when I first saw Matthew. I could tell how in love you were with each other. I also saw your family grow over the years. My heart goes out to you and your beautiful family.Take care and God love you all.

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